Saturday, November 7, 2015

Ages of Human History

Here's a silly piece I wrote last night:


Ages of Man

Stone Age
Bronze Age
Iron Age
Silicon Age

Hunter-Gatherer Age
Agriculture Age
Industrial Age
Electromagnetic Age
Space Age
Information Age

Oral History
Cuneiform Age—clay tablets baked in the sun
Hieroglyphics Age—chiseled into hard stone
Papyrus Age—scrolls from reeds or animal skins
Paper Age—then the printing press
Digital Age—electronic storage and the cloud

Sunlight Age
Fire Age:
Dung Age
Wood Age/Peat Age
Charcoal Age
Oven Age
Whale Oil Age
Petroleum Age
Atomic Age
Biofuel Age
Renewable Energy Age

Empires:
Mesopatamia
Egypt
Assyria
Babylon
Persia
Greece
Rome
Byzantia
Caliphate
Mongolia
Ottoman
Spanish
French
British
(over)
The Chinese would like to tell you to go to hell.
The Russians would like to remind you that they built their empire during the last four and it still exists.
Africans would like to tell you that they had empires too and to stop disrespecting them because their ancestors left no written records.
The Mayans are laughing hysterically because although their empire disappeared, people still agonize over their calendars.
Montezuma still has his revenge and the Aztecs are not forgotten. Sorry, Spain.

This took a weird turn.

Weaponry:
Rock Age (gloriously relived in my youth)
Slingshot Age
Blade Age (Sword, spear, and knife)
Shield Age
Armor Age
Arrow Age (Bow, Crossbow, and Longbow)
Gunpowder Age (Cannon, musket, rifle)
Atomic Age
Laser Age

Mathematics:
Mesopotamia/Egypt—Counting Age
Greece—Geometry Age
India—Zero Age
Arabia (caliphate)—Algebra Age

Europe—Calculus Age